What's a nice girl like you doing in a relationship like this?

Early Sunday morning I returned to my flat to find Bobby still passed out on my bed. He looked like he hadn't moved since I made my get-away the night before. I left Blondie at my friend Berry Berenson Perkins house, where I had escaped the previous night, just to ensure her safety. I didn't know how he would react when I broke up with him but I was determined to get him out of my home once and for all. 

"Wake up, Bobby," I said, leaving the door open behind me and staying as far away from him as I could.  Sleepily, he rolled over, opened his eyes and held out his arms to hug me. He had obviously sobered up from the night before and was feeling remorseful. 

"I'm sorry I scared you," he said, his voice shaking. "Please don't kick me out. I won't drink any more, I promise." 

I didn't know what to do at that point. He did seem to truly regret his actions from the previous night but I couldn't trust him. I had never been attacked like that before. I kept saying "what's a nice girl like you doing in a relationship like this" over and over in my mind. I told him I would think about our relationship but I wanted him to move out that day. 

Having said my peace, I headed back to my friend Berry Berenson Perkin's house to spend another night there. I got up early and headed for work, leaving Blondie with Berry's dogs Charlie and Gregory. I was hocked when Bobby entered my office, looking all disheveled, his eyes forlorn in self pity, his body shaking from alcohol withdrawal. I quickly ushered him outside to talk, hoping this would be the end of it. I stood defiant in the otherwise empty parking lot next to the dried grease marks on the asphalt. I’d finally had enough. My mind was made up. I wanted out.

“If you break up with me, I’m afraid of what I might do to myself,” he said, his eyes welling up in tears. “ I've never loved anyone as much as I love you.”

“Bobby, are you threatening to kill yourself?” I felt angry that he was manipulating me like this but I was moved all-the-same.

“Without you, what do I have to live for?” He turned his back sobbing, hunched over, his hands hiding his face. Would he really do something like kill himself? Over me? I was too scared to find out the answer to that question. How could I ever live with myself knowing that I caused the death of another human being? It was up to me to make things right between us.

“Bobby, it’s going to be all right. We’ll work it out. You don’t have to kill yourself. You've got to stop drinking and start taking better care of yourself,” I said, my own voice breaking from tears. I would help him become the man I knew he could be, I told myself.

“I will, I promise I will,” he said, teary eyed.

"You've got to go now so I can get back to work," I told him. 

"Okay, thank you. I'll make it up to you. I'm going to stop drinking and get a job. You watch. I'll do whatever it takes to keep you in my life."

I fell for it, hook, line and sinker.

No way out

There were many times I felt threatened and scared of my live-in boyfriend Bobby.. The last of the frightening episodes I remember started with us arguing over I don't know what and ended with him blocking the door so I couldn't leave.

“So, you want to leave, do you?” Like a hunter after his prey, he held out his arms, crouched down, forcing me back every time I went for the door. He was so much stronger then me when sober and brutal when he was drunk.

“No you don’t,” he pushed me hard away from the exit.

“Bobby, let me out,” I pleaded. That’s when he grabbed me and forcefully threw me on the bed, straddling on top of me, holding my arms down with such force that I had finger bruises after the terrifying event.

“You’re not going anywhere,” his face in mine, I could smell the alcohol on his breath. It was like he was another person all-together. I didn't know what to do. There was no way out. I lay perfectly still, my head turned away from him, afraid to even breathe. He was a wild animal so I did what you’re supposed to do when you encounter a bear in the woods; play dead. I didn't moving an inch until he passed out on top of me. Quickly I grabbed Blondie and ran out of there headed straight to the arms of my friend Berry Berenson Perkins. She wouldn't judge me. She would just offer her unique kindness and love. I couldn't believe I had to leave my own home. It was time for Bobby to go. 

Timing is everything

Things were getting complicated with my live-in boyfriend. He was completely living off me, drinking and causing all sorts of drama in my otherwise peaceful life with my pound dog Blondie. But I wasn't ready to give up yet. I still needed to be needed by more than just my dog, or so I thought. Bobby did what he could to keep me happy including cleaning my flat daily. I appreciated his effort and told him so but a clean apartment was just not enough to make a relationship work. To top it off, Bobby didn't always have the best timing for things, especially in the romantic department.

One of the times that sticks out in my memory happened just as I returned from my father’s emergency open heart surgery, depressed, worried and exhausted. Sex was the furthest thing from my mind that night. When I walked through the door, Bobby had created a romantic setting; soft music was playing from his boom box as candles lit the room. He was lying naked on my bed, ready to tear my clothes off.

“I’m so sorry to hear about your dad,” he said and motioned for me to join him. I just rolled my eyes and shook my head. We hadn't had sex for weeks and he chose that night? I didn't think so.

The Eddie Show!

There I was, hooked to this guy who I felt certain I could help. I wanted to help him. I knew that deep down inside, Bobby was a good person. It was his rough upbringing that was holding him back from living his true potential.

His dysfunctional family of origin made mine look like the most supportive and loving family on the planet. Originally from Oregon, Bobby had not been home to see his mother in years. His dad was a total deadbeat and Bobby had just met his half brother who he didn't even know existed. I didn't know that sometimes, when a person is drowning and you hold out your hand to help, instead of saving them, they bring you down too. 

Back then, I didn't feel that helping Bobby was actually putting me in danger but in no time I did feel completely drained by his drama and heartache. Pain or not, that didn't change the fact that while I was going to work holding down a full time job, Bobby stayed home and got trashed on drugs and alcohol. His behavior was totally erratic. I never knew who would greet me when I opened my door.

“Welcome to the Eddie Show starring Eddie!” Bobby’s voice boomed from behind a makeshift curtain as I entered my tiny flat after a long day at the office. The curtain was really just a couple of sheets held up on a rope tied across my living room. Bobby was hiding behind the sheets, his dummy, the one he didn't know how to use properly, was perched on his left hand, front and center. I was not a happy camper at that moment.  I had been looking forward to coming home, sitting back and relaxing but when I saw the spectacle in front of me, I knew that wasn't going to happen any time soon. Instead, Bobby had a puppet show in store for me. This wasn't any puppet show. Bobby had a second character in his act. He had drawn a face on a plain old dirty sock and placed that over his other hand. I could tell he was drunk (as usual) because he was slurring his words. 

“Look, this is Eddie’s dog,” he said as the sock puppet and Eddie collided in front of the so called curtain. “His dog is named Blondie too!” He fell back in hysterics, the curtain dropping on top of him, covering Bobby, Eddie and the Blondie sock puppet. It was all I could do to help him get untangled from the complete mess he had created.

"That's some show," I commented.

"The show must go on...." Bobby replied trying in vain to get his ventriloquist dummy to work. He tried to stand but fell down, laughing in hysterics. I felt like crying.

"How about some coffee, Eddie," I asked.

"Eddie's not old enough for coffee," Bobby answered. "It'll stunt his growth." At that moment I knew being with Bobby was stunting my growth. But how would I get him to take Eddie and move on?

In search of a father

I witnessed several occasions when Bobby left to search for his father and came back distraught. On one of these dad seeking journeys, he met a half-brother he never knew he had.

“What was that like?” I asked.

“The kid looked just like I did at four-years old,” he said as he pet Blondie and kissed her nose. “My dad disappeared from his life as well. The kid just sat there looking at me. It was strange. I think he thought I was his dad.”

That just about tore my heart out. I never met anyone in search of their father before. I couldn't even imagine the torture he must have felt. 

Hooked on Bobby

               There we were, dining at a new five-star French Restaurant in the heart of downtown Los Angeles. The setting was beautiful, the food delicious and the company, well, the company was interesting. I was invited to try out the restaurant because of my connections with "foodies" in Los Angeles. "Foodies" are people who love food and eat out frequently. When a new restaurant opens, bringing the right people to the establishment is almost as important as the menu. Back then, we didn't have computers or Facebook  Restaurants relied on word of mouth. Apparently, my mouth had clout in the city of angels.
               I brought my boyfriend Bobby with me and he brought his doll Eddie. Luckily, the waiters were good sports and went along with Bobby's eccentricity. During dinner, the conversation quickly became serious, even though we were sitting across from a ventriloquist dummy. I learned a few facts about Bobby that explained his erratic behavior and what I would later learn was his addiction to alcohol. Back then, I had little knowledge of the disease of alcoholism or co-dependency.

                Despite all the issues I had with my parents over the years, I did appreciate the fact that my mom and dad were dedicated to each other and stayed married until my mom died in 2000. Bobby, on the other hand, shared with me that his father had been married several times. In fact, Bobby’s band played at his dad’s last nuptial ceremony.

“That must have been weird,” I speculated, thinking about how I would feel performing if my parents ever got divorced.

“Nah, it was one of my band’s last shows before we split up. We got totally wasted with my dad. He even sat in with us on a few songs and played my guitar. I don’t remember much but friends still talk about it, we were that good.”

That's all I needed to hear to hook me. I would be the one to help Bobby. 

When we left, Bobby actually strapped Eddie into a seat belt.

“I don’t want anything to happen to the little guy,” he said, grinning.

“Maybe you should get him a child’s car sea,” I suggested.

“That’s a great idea,” he answered. But he never did get a car seat for his doll. 

Guess who's coming to dinner?

Eddie the puppet was well dressed in his black top hat and miniature tuxedo with a white button down shirt and bow tie. I thought it was funny that his mother picked out a dummy that resembled her son but I never shared my observation with Bobby. He never did learn how to use the dummy like a proper ventriloquist but Bobby became increasingly attached to the little puppet, carrying Eddie around with him everywhere. And I mean everywhere. When I was invited to dine at a new five-star French restaurant in downtown Los Angeles, Eddie came.

Actually, we brought the whole family along for the ride, Blondie, Eddie, Bobby and I. When we pulled up to the valet, there was a little confusion. I didn't want to scare Blondie, leaving her in the car while a strange man parked it.

“Do you mind if I park my own car and pay you anyway?” I asked the attendant, motioning to Blondie in the backseat.

“You can just pull up to the front and I will watch your dog for you,” he said with a wary smile. When Bobby got out of the car with Eddie, the valet shook his head in disbelief.

As we entered the elegant space, our laughter turned into hysterics over the fact that Eddie was joining us at this fancy eatery. Quiet and romantic, it did not look like the sort of place that would welcome wooden dolls as patrons. With its gigantic coats of arms decorating the walls and marble floors that gleamed in the candlelight, it was elegant beyond compare. 

Much to my surprise, the staff was playful and welcoming. Luckily, the restaurant was so new that it was relatively empty. French waiters greeted all three of us and welcomed Eddie as if he were our son, not just a dummy. They actually brought a booster seat and set a place for Eddie. When they poured the doll a glass of champagne, I almost lost it, laughing so hard champagne came out of my nose. Bobby finished Eddie’s champagne after pretending to have Eddie sip some. He gave Eddie pretend bites of his dinner throughout the evening too. It was like dining with a mad three-year old.