Friday, March 29, 2013

The Society Editor

Ryan helped me celebrate my birthday by making reservations at my favorite restaurant, which just happened to be a client so the entire meal was comped. He did a nice job wrapping a present for me. It was a necklace he made out of noodles, like the ones kids make their moms for Mother’s Day. Even though I was disappointed, I decided to wait until the end of the summer to break it off with Ryan. His smile and those big brown eyes just melted my heart every time I considered ending it. Besides, Blondie and Elliott were best buddies by now and the two guys came over most evenings after I finished working to hang out. I made dinner, usually one of a handful of dishes. I cooked up some pasta with doctored up bottled sauce that I said was home made or I heated some cream of broccoli soup from a can that I added fresh vegetables to and lied about making from scratch. It was delicious with a baguette and green salad.
Summer ended, fall began with its promise of new beginnings. I got a side job working as the Around Town Correspondent for Palm Springs Life Magazine. That meant I was invited to literally every event in Los Angeles in the hopes that I would include it in my popular column. Ryan loved going with me to every party, movie premier, art and restaurant opening, play, black tie dinner, everything in Los Angeles. We got to go out and we didn’t have to spend any money. He craved the limelight but I missed staying home with Blondie. I didn’t really like hanging out with all those pretentious people who I didn’t know. 

Thursday, March 28, 2013

Bringing Up Baby

My relationship with Ryan was just what I needed, light, fun and innocent. The auburn colored light flecks danced in his brown eyes as he talked and I laughed uncontrollably when he performed private break dance routines, completely naked. When we weren't playing with our dogs, I introduced Ryan to my favorite romantic comedies like the 1938 classic Bringing Up Baby with Katherine Hepburn and Cary Grant. I loved the scenes with Hepburn's character, a flighty heiress, and her "baby" leopard. Ryan even helped me stuff envelopes when I had to do big mailings for my clients.
At first, I didn't miss the fact that he had no money to take me out on dates or that we couldn't go on vacation together. I didn't care that we didn't have a future together. Our present was enough for now. Ryan was completely agreeable to my every whim and we never argued. He had what I referred to as “perm-a-smile” and even my cheeks hurt from smiling so much whenever he was around. He followed me sort of like a puppy does. I hesitated to bring him around my friends who were teasing me about my love affair with someone so young. I didn't want to hurt his feelings. Plus, I knew we weren't going to last.  Besides, my 30th birthday was coming up, and I definitely wanted to keep him around until then.

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Love or lust?

 Ryan's entire body was shaking with anticipation as he stood up, grabbed my hand and guided me to my bedroom. We proceeded to take off each others clothes. I unbuttoned his shirt, one button at a time, kissing him on his chest and down to his belt buckle.
“You really want to do this?” He asked.
I let my body answer him and when he made love to me that night, I felt as if I was 16 again only this time I wouldn’t stop the momentum on the dock in Catalina. There was something about his innocence. Something about his inexperience yet his knowing, just by being male, he knew how to please a woman. There was no pretense. There was no judgment. There was no manipulation. Just a man doing what came naturally from the beginning of time. 

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Yes, no, maybe

I don’t remember ever being with a man for the first time without the influence of alcohol dulling my senses. But I wanted this, I wanted him. Ryan embraced me and began caressing my back in slow and steady strokes. He was sweet and gentle and definitely not a ladies man (at least not yet). At times, he was awkward with hands and noses and lips and teeth hitting at wrong moments and in the wrong places. But he explored and we laughed and it felt good to be touched and adored by him. He pulled my body under his and I felt light as a feather. My chaotic mind wailed, he’s too young, don’t do it, you’ll regret it, stop, don’t stop, it feels good, why not, can’t I have a little fun once in a while, no one has to know, just do it, besides, he’s a dog lover like you.

Friday, March 15, 2013

Sweet sweat

 I tried to start a conversation with young Ryan but it was difficult to concentrate. There was no doubt that I was attracted to the boy. So I asked him if he had plans to go to college?
“Yea, I went to Georgetown University for a year but I didn't graduate, obviously," he explained. "The deal with my dad is that he’ll pay my way until I get my acting career off the ground. I have exactly two years. If it doesn't happen, then I go back and get my law degree. So time is not on my side. That’s why I invented Lawrence.” Why he didn't just take acting in school, I thought to myself when out of nowhere, he reached over and kissed me. It was a very sweet kiss, a first kiss filled with promise and puppy love. I felt giddy with butterfly's taking over my entire body.
“Wait just a minute," I said as I pulled away from him. "I don’t know about this. I mean there’s a lot here to discuss. First of all, you’re only 19 years old,” Not even old enough to drink yet, I added in my mind. Even though I had wanted to kiss him just moments ago, and his lips did feel every bit as sensuous as I had hoped they would, the reality of it was confusing. I thought I was not the sort of person who could have a fling. I craved long term relationships and once I slept with someone, it was hard for me to let go. He had just arrived in town and told me that unless his acting career took off, he was headed back east. Those were not very good odds for a long term commitment.
“So what, my last girlfriend was in her 30s," Ryan said, inching closer to me. "I like older women.” I didn't know if I believed that line, he seemed awfully immature. Anyway, I felt weird about being labeled the “older” one considering I was always the youngest, the baby of my family. But his smile kept me hooked. Besides, this was only going to be a fling, remember?
My thoughts kept racing back and forth until he scooted himself as close to me as possible and leaned in for another kiss. That's when my mind went completely blank. He smelled so good. Even his sweat was sweet like vanilla. I stopped resisting.

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Cute, broke, actor

 “So, you’re an actor, huh?” I asked the young Ryan as I sat next to him on my second hand couch. He made me feel completely comfortable, possibly because I wasn't putting pressure on myself or him. He was so young that I knew he wasn't "Mr. Right." He was simply "Mr. Right Now."
I took my shoes off and ran my feet over Blondie’s silky coat. She looked up at me then put her head back down on the floor. I gazed at Ryan. His mouth was moving but I didn't hear a word he was saying. I was off in my own dreamland just watching, those full lips, that grin, I wanted to kiss him and feel that velvety mouth against mine. Blondie’s feet started moving as if she was running after Elliott at the park, waking me up from my day-dream. She whimpered out loud like dogs do sometimes in their sleep.
“It’s okay girlie,” I whispered and she relaxed back into her happy dream state. I turned my attention to Ryan.
"Are you an actor of the silver screen or a star of the TV screen?”
“Well, neither yet, I've only started auditioning. I just got a manager when I arrived here a few weeks ago.” He was beaming the entire time he spoke. It was infectious. I started smiling too, even though we weren't talking about anything that was particularly amusing.
“Well, that’s good, to already have a manger, isn't it? It can be difficult to even get representation in this town.”
“I’ll let you in on a little secret,” he whispered. “I made him up.”
“You what?”
“His name is Lawrence Feinstein and I made him up. I call about auditions and get myself the appointments due to the tenacity of a totally made up person.”
“Oh my God! You should get an Academy Award just for that!” I didn't think about asking how he found out about auditions or where he got these numbers to call and get the information about auditions. The fact that he just told me he’s a liar didn't even phase me. I was already starting down the road of denial with Ryan. “Let me hear his voice.”
He didn't even hesitate:“Hello, I’m calling about Ryan. He is new in town and is perfect for the role of Sam in your movie. Can I send him to your casting call today?” His voice sounded deeper, older and he imitated a perfect New York accent. At least he wasn't sitting around complaining, I thought.
“How do you pay your bills?” I asked, curious to learn what he did for money. LA is an expensive city.
“My Dad is helping me. He’s an attorney in DC.” Of course he was, I thought. Isn't everyone that lives there an attorney? It figures. He’s cute. He’s an actor. He’s broke.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Hey 19

The next day, we met at the park. And the trend continued for the entire week. By the weekend, I felt ready to invite him to my apartment. By then, I had moved into out of the Perkins house into my own place in Beverly Hills. I got all my stuff that wasn't ruined during the ugly Bobby break-up out of storage and Berry and Tony gave me some additional furniture they weren't using. Even with Blondie and my friends, I was lonely and tired of trying so hard to find Mr. Right. I figured a fun, non-serious fling with this young man might take my mind off my quest for a while.
“Nice place,” Ryan said as he entered my apartment with the second hand furniture. Blondie was acting really excited to have Elliott over. She was showing him around, the water bowl is here, the bedroom’s here, the kitchen’s here, bathroom’s here. Elliott followed her from room to room as if we lived in a palace. Finally, they settled in the living room, sprawled out on the wood floor in front of the couch, pooped after a fun afternoon frolicking at the park.
“Go ahead and make yourself comfortable,” I said even through Ryan was already sitting on the couch with his feet up on my coffee table. “Want something to drink?” I asked from the kitchen.
“I’d love a Coke,” he replied. I made a funny face from the other room as I peaked inside my bare refrigerator.
“How about a glass of water?”
“Water sounds great.” I returned with two glasses of ice water. At least I had ice. He didn't seem to mind a bit, smiling that contiguous grin.

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Bad dog

I gently took hold of Blondie's collar but she obviously wasn't ready to leave. She looked up at me with those deep brown soulful eyes filled with mischief, and took off in the opposite direction, looking back at me to see if I would chase her. I stayed put but Elliott crouched down then took off in circles around Blondie. 
“Your dog is a bad influence on my Blondie,” I said flippantly before yelling, “Blondie Come Here!” 
Both dogs turned and started running at full speed towards us while jumping and nipping at each other along the way. Elliott was headed directly at me, not paying attention to where he was headed. I braced myself to be slammed by this big athletic dog but at the last moment, Ryan slid in front of me like a baseball player stealing home stopping Elliott in his tracks. The two of them rolled on the grass, human arms and dog legs flailing. I couldn't believe my eyes when they both quickly jumped back on their feet completely unfazed.
“He has a little difficulty putting on the brakes sometimes,” Ryan told me as Elliott looked adoringly at his owner, obviously not hurt in the tackle. “Must be a bad habit from his racing days,” Ryan added as he gave Elliott an enthusiastic pat and the dog playfully rubbed his entire body against his owner, almost knocking him over. Ryan stepped back and waved his arms to catch his balance. His knees were grass stained.
“You’re my hero,” I remarked acting like a damsel in distress with my hands together by the side of my face, my right leg bent at the knee. As I put the leash on Blondie, I asked “Why don’t we meet here again tomorrow?” 
“Deal,” he said as he rubbed the grass off his palms before putting his hand out to shake on it. When our hands touched, I was surprised at the chemistry I felt between us. He was nine years younger, so young I thought I better leave that one alone. As I got to my car, I looked back at him and he was waving good bye with both hands. I could feel the electricity from the parking lot.

Monday, March 4, 2013

Just Friends

While young Ryan was showing off his break dancing moves, Blondie and Elliott lay together under the shade of a nearby tree both. They already looked as if they were old friends. Their faces were relaxed, noses in the air, their bodies sprawled out on the park's grass. No one would have ever guessed that both dogs were rescued from certain death.
“Where’re you from,” Ryan asked turning his attention to me with that incredible smile. We chatted for a while, mostly about our dogs. I didn't think too much about it since he was nine years younger than me, not even old enough to drink yet. Lots of men my age dated younger women but I just didn't think I could go there.
It was nice meeting you and thanks for the dance,” I said as I grabbed Blondie’s pink bling collar. "We've got to go now."
“Hey, uh, do you want to go out sometime? I mean, I just moved here and I don’t know that many people,” he stammered. He was so adorable I couldn't help by feel flattered that he asked me out. But we had nothing in common except for dogs. I didn't know anything about break dancing, Washington DC or acting. I figured it was best to remain untangled with this young hunk, even though I found him intensely attractive.