I tried to start a conversation with young Ryan but it was difficult to concentrate. There was no doubt that I was attracted to the boy. So I asked him if he had plans to go to college?
“Yea, I went to Georgetown University Lawrence .” Why he didn't just take acting in school, I thought to myself when out of nowhere, he
reached over and kissed me. It was a very sweet kiss, a first kiss filled with promise and puppy love. I felt giddy with butterfly's taking over my entire body.
“Wait just a
minute," I said as I pulled away from him. "I don’t know about this. I mean there’s a lot here to discuss. First of all, you’re only 19 years old,” Not even old enough to
drink yet, I added in my mind. Even though I had wanted to kiss him just moments ago, and his lips
did feel every bit as sensuous as I had hoped they would, the reality of it was
confusing. I thought I was not the sort of person who could have a fling. I
craved long term relationships and once I slept with someone, it was hard for
me to let go. He had just arrived in town and told me that unless his acting
career took off, he was headed back east. Those were not
very good odds for a long term commitment.
“So what, my last
girlfriend was in her 30s," Ryan said, inching closer to me. "I like older women.” I didn't know if I believed that line,
he seemed awfully immature. Anyway, I felt weird about being labeled the
“older” one considering I was always the youngest, the baby of my family. But
his smile kept me hooked. Besides, this was only going to be a fling, remember?
My thoughts kept racing back and forth until he scooted himself as close to me as
possible and leaned in for another kiss. That's when my mind went completely blank. He smelled so good. Even his sweat was
sweet like vanilla. I stopped resisting.
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