Friday, January 25, 2013

Pigs, goats and snakes

My year ended with the Video Dating service and I decided not to renew. I heard many marriages were created from simple newspaper ads. At 34, what did I have to lose? My ad said something to the effect of me being an animal lover. And within just a few hours of publication, I had 197 messages in my mail box.
“Hello, I’m calling about your ad, I have a pot bellied pig and a goat and I am a real animal lover…”
“I live with my parents and we have this dog we need to train to stop pissing in the house. I wanted to know if you could help…”
“Hi. I have 13 dogs and 5 cats and I’m answering your ad…”
“I like your ad. Do you like snakes? I have lots of snakes.”
couldn't listen to any more. I felt completely overwhelmed. So I just erased them all.
“Blondie, why can’t I meet a man who has a job and a dog. One dog?” She looked up at me and wagged her tail. “You would think I was going after a completely unattainable goal.” I took a deep breath and let out a sigh. Instead of crying, I serenaded Blondie with a new rendition of our song that I made up on the spot. “You and me against the world, why can’t it be you me and he against the world?”  

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